A short while ago I entered a competition, it was to write advice you would give to newly pregnant women/new mums in 250 words. The first prize was the opportunity to regularly write in a mother and baby magazine.
Here is my entry:
One rather extraordinary phenomenon you will notice on the announcement of your impending parenthood will be the eagerness of almost everyone to share advice that ranges from the sublime to the ridiculous.
Your job will mostly involve smiling serenely whilst filtering out the more obscure suggestions.
Every pregnancy is different. Not all the advice you get will be relevant. The first trimester is full of aches and pains that have you panicking something might be wrong. The second trimester is when you start looking like a pregnant person and the third is the one where you completely lose sight of your private parts! Your boobs are going to get more awesome and you are going to need to urinate ALL THE TIME, take the highs with the lows.
My advice: Read a range books on pregnancy, but don’t take them as gospel. Join a mum forum or app, but be careful; they can get nasty. Let others give advice but remember you don’t have to take it. Ultimately do what you feel is right for you, if playing classical music to bump is not your thing, don’t do it. If you’re trying to eat healthily for the baby but accidently have a Mcdonald’s breakfast and then have chips for lunch… Don’t sweat it!
My final advice that I will thrust upon the expectant mum is, your body is going to change. In some ways it will never be the same again. But it’s worth it. My goodness is it worth it!
I didn’t win, nor was I a runner up.
Reading it back I’m not surprised, but i’m proud of myself for developing my original draft which was something along the lines of: ‘When people see you are pregnant and insist on giving you advice, tell them to fuck off and mind their own business.’
In other news:
Some woman is feeding Marms tidbits which she is throwing up in my house.
Captain has supervised me cutting Wills’ nails.
My diet is starting tomorrow….