Last night William stopped at his grandparents’ house, all night.
I have put off him being babysat all night a few times. I appreciate that family and friends are all eager to have him, but I’m not eager to let him go. On a whim I decided an overnight stay would be best for Wills because we were going out for a meal and the table was booked for the time Wills goes to bed.
I had a tough day with him yesterday, I called my husband in tears because William had not stopped screaming. Hubs was in a meeting and couldn’t answer his phone. I was beside myself, once again I felt like an awful parent, questioned why in the name of arse did we decide to have kids, felt guilty because I love my son and once again felt like a sodding awful parent.
I dropped him off at his nans with the assorted paraphernalia, (see my last post for what that entails), then came the moment I had to leave him. I felt sick, I didn’t want to go, he looked so tiny (and content) in his nans arms, what sort of woman leaves such a tiny person for something such as frivolous as a meal out? I kissed him, and kissed him again, I welled up a little and composed myself. I felt silly, he was obviously more than happy where he was.
I just about made it to my car before I burst into tears. I cried all the way to my mums, fighting the urge to turn the car around.
The MIL sent me a picture of him happily chewing Sophie the giraffe and I was able to compose myself.
When we returned home, tired and ready for bed, our bedroom didn’t feel right with the empty cot, I actually ached for William. Fast forward to three o clock in the morning and I was still awake, with an uncomfortable knot in my stomach. I managed three and a half hours sleep before getting up and showering and going to pick up our little boy.
I don’t think Wills could have been any less bothered by our absence if he tried. He had clearly had a wonderful time at his grandparents. I never once doubted that he would be extremely well looked after. But it’s hard thinking I’ve had one of the worst nights of my life and he isn’t at all phased. (Kids really do have the knack of making you feel like absolute shit.)
Today William has thrown up all over me several times, head butted me and spent large chunks of the day screaming for no apparent reason. I have been tempted to return him to his grandparents.
But no, he’s stuck with me for a while.
In other news:
I will be going to work for a day next week, I am excited for a day of adult conversation and being able to drink tea whilst it’s still hot.
I’m rocking a new fragrance, eau de baby sick. I definitely prefer Armani.
The above number sequence is Captain’s contribution to this. Maybe it’s significant to cats.