Life is stressful. I’m not saying mine is more so than yours, but the universe has gifted me with a little more than I think is completely fair at them moment.
We are rapidly hurtling towards the end of my maternity leave (I am so thankful that this is a thing here) and I know that soon, I’ll be spending days away from our little boy. I am dreading it. What I don’t need is an ‘Organisational Review’ at work. But that’s what I got. Apparently my role is no longer a role. But there are some new roles I might be interested in (these ‘new roles’ sound suspiciously like the old ones with lower salaries). Although I am in more of a protected position there is no cast-iron guarantee that a job will be available. So I’m indulging in the duller than dull task of job hunting. I honestly can’t think of anything worse! I am not sure my self esteem can take another job hunt, but I’ve grown accustomed to having a roof over my head so it’s going to have to tough it out.
What is beyond frustrating for me is I want to be enjoying time with my son. Not leaving him to be babysat by the TV whilst I trawl through endless jobsites and apply for hundreds of positions to hear nothing back. I HATE applying for jobs. I hate how they try to fancy up roles, but do it to such an extent it is no longer clear what the role is. If you’re lucky enough to get an interview you get the question, you know the one;
Where would you like to see yourself in ten years?
Apparently ‘lying on a beach drinking rum’ is not what employers like to hear.
I can’t bear the thought of leaving my little boy, I feel like I’m betraying him somehow. It’s me and him in the day, until daddy gets home. And soon, for a few days a week, mummy won’t be there.
As much as I’ll enjoy drinking hot tea, talking to adults and not getting chunderd on for a few hours, there’ll no smiles or cuddles or falling asleep in my arms. I’ll miss kissing the back of his neck, I’ll even miss putting his socks back on for the millionth time.
And what will really sting will be sacrificing this precious time with my baby for a pay packet that will undoubtedly be more disappointing then getting a verruca before a pool party.
In other news:
Wills new favourite thing is blowing raspberries, it’s the soundtrack to our life at the moment.
Weaning continues, melon and cucumber appear to be firm favourites.
Captain has been very affectionate towards me today, naturally I’m suspicious.